Old Fashioned Dating vs. Internet Dating
Old Fashioned: Your friends hang out with you because you don't want to spend Friday night alone.
Internet Dating: Your friends email you because they don't want to spend Friday night alone with you.
Old Fashioned: Your best friend introduces you to a guy, she says she works with him.
Internet Dating: Your best friend introduces you to the internet, she says you can access it from work.
Old Fashioned: You hope you meet a guy at the theatre, or a book store...an intellectual with a nice smile.
Internet Dating: Yeah, right, like you want to date the phone repair man or the cable guy...a beer guzzler with a butt crack.
Old Fashioned: You go to a club to meet guys, $5.00 cover charge.
Internet Dating: You go on the internet to meet guys, $24.95/month.
Old Fashioned: You hate being hit on by every guy who walks by, you think it's a meat market.
Internet Dating: You love that you've been browsed by 500 guys and you think you're popular.
Old Fashioned: You see a guy you think is attractive, you think he looks young and you watch his "body language".
Internet Dating: You see a guy you think is attractive, you wonder how old the picture is and are curious why he left out his body.
Old Fashioned: You get turned off by the guys who are hitting on all the attractive women on the dance floor.
Internet Dating: EVERY guy is hitting on all the attractive women on line.
Old Fashioned: A guy says hello, and for the next 45 minutes he only talks to you.
Internet Dating: A guy sends you an email, and also sends one to about 17 other women.
Old Fashioned: You ask about his job, hobbies, marriages, family - - it's called conversation.
Internet Dating: You pretty much already know his job, hobbies, marital history, family - - it's called profile browsing.
Old Fashioned: He offers to buy you a drink, and everyone else thinks he's with you.
Internet Dating: He types "brb. going to get a beer" and is really reading another email.
Old Fashioned: He says he is going to the restroom, and as you watch him walk away he doesn't stop to talk to anyone.
Internet Dating: He says he's going to the restroom, but he's really busy browsing another profile and responding to it.
Old Fashioned: He asks you for your phone number and wants to know if you'd like to go out sometime.
Internet Dating: He asks for your phone number and tries to squeeze you in between the other two dates he's made.
Old Fashioned: You give him your number and tell him you you'd love to go out.
Internet Dating: You ask for his number and tell him you're just looking for friends right now.
Old Fashioned: You never really cared about how much he made, if he owned a home, or where he lived as long as he was nice.
Internet Dating: Nice guys finish last...show me the money!
Old Fashioned: He's not very tall, but you've got to hand it to him - he's pleasant to talk to.
Internet Dating: He's not at least 5'10", oh please - talk to the hand.
Old Fashioned: He calls you the next week, and you both talk for hours.
Internet Dating: You call him the next week, and you can't believe he talked for hours.
Old Fashioned: You'd like to go out with him because, hey, "nobody's knocking down your front door" to ask you out.
Internet Dating: You're not sure about going out with him because, hey, "the grass is always greener" and someone else may ask you out.
Old Fashioned: You go out on a date, and he brings you a single rose...you think he's romantic.
Internet Dating: You go out on a date, and he's nothing like the guy who left you little smiley faces...you wonder where the romance is.
Old Fashioned: You go to dinner, then head to the beach and talk for hours sitting under the stars. You get home at 1:00 am. 
Internet Dating: You heat up some leftover stew, then head to the computer and chat for hours under a desk lamp. You log off at 1:53 am. 
Old Fashioned: You had a lot of fun, and when you get home you wonder if he left you a phone message saying, "I had a great time". 
Internet Dating: You were bored out of your mind, and when you get home you wonder if someone else left you an email message saying, "I really liked your profile". 
Old Fashioned: You call your best friend and tell her about your date, then go to bed and dream beautiful dreams. 
Internet Dating: You email your best friend and tell her about the jerk you met, then go to your profile and add another picture. 
Old Fashioned: He calls you within a day or two and you're excited that he likes you. 
Internet Dating: He calls you within a day or two and you're worried that he likes you too much. 
Old Fashioned: You take your time getting to know him, eventually you realize that you have a lot in common...and you're really glad you met him. 
Internet Dating: You don't have time to get to know him, eventually you realize he isn't perfect...and you're glad you didn't "settle". 
Old Fashioned: After a few months you start thinking about your future and what you want to get out of this relationship. 
Internet Dating: After a few months you start thinking about your future and get out your credit card to renew your account. 
Old Fashioned: Your best friend calls you and says, "hey, see if he has a friend so we can double-date sometime". 
Internet Dating: Your best friend emails you and says, "hey, there's also Yahoo and Match.com, and PlentyofFish.com is FREE". 
Old Fashioned: You think to yourself, "I'm glad I met the man of my dreams". 
Internet Dating: You think to yourself, "Why can't I meet the man of my dreams?". 

This parody brought to you by an Old Fashioned guy via the Internet.